The Emotional Orphan

Audio Reading can be heard here

Time has been such a strange phenomenon in my life.

I am relatively certain that doesn’t make me particularly unique, but it does feel as if I’ve either paid very close attention to Time — or none at all.

With age though, it seems that no matter which, On balance,Time has passed at the same speed.

While going through specific periods however, Time has felt as though it was flying past with reckless abandon and voila !   a number of years have sped by. These seemed to me to be “the good times”.

Times I would have rather passed slowly, so I could enjoy them longer.It would be easy to cop to some standard reasoning here like,

I took those times for granted, but I really don’t think that is the case. Some of the more excruciatingly slow times, generally more difficult or painful episodes of my life helped me to be careful about taking things like Time for granted.

The strangest times to me though are the periods when the days seemed to drag on and on . The drudgery, the monotony, and the boring repetitive nature of each day made each one feel like a week.Then, at some point, I’d stop to think about it and end up amazed that, in fact, many weeks had actually passed. There was hope in that feeling, a realization I could muddle through.

Survive.

I remember many years of assuming I “had plenty of Time”, a concept which was very much the opposite yet, complementary to the “live hard, die young, leave a good looking corpse” philosophy I lived by.

And now neither concept can be a reality.Watching the calendar is the same as watching the clock.

Being uncertain is the only reality when I think about Time wasted versus how much Time I have left.

I seemed to go straight from puberty to a mid life crisis, and I still know nothing about how to live.

Oddly enough,  I still think there is Time.