The Emotional Orphan

A sour demeanor
barely concealed
by a well practiced smile,
gives me away every time.

Lovers eventually taste bitterness.

Never ask me how I’m doing.
I will tell you.
AA and a God who is a joker
require honesty;
make it mandatory.

If I want to stand a chance.

I met them while seeking
answers to the big questions.
That same God knows
I didnt learn that from my father.

I contemptuously listen in return
Muttering silently
underneath the breath
of a lung and a half.

One day you will not like me.
I know why, but you will
come up with your own reasons.
I am self righteous like that.

Ask me I’ll tell you. Love me, I’ll prove it.

“Things will work out
the way they are supposed to.”
“It is what it is…”
“We all have our crosses to bear.”

You agree with
the flavor of the month
not because it is sold
but because it melts all over you.
Mmmmm…
Just like drool.

Don’t be fooled.

It’s chewing gum in the hair in August.

“Get over it ,
we are tired
of hearing about it”,
you will say. “Because ours
is much worse than yours.”

Someone scratched my sedan at the mall…
(Insurance rates will rise, I just know it.)

I may tell you
like my last Mother in Law did,
“run for your life,”
I didn’t and it almost killed me.
You will.

Silly me, I believe in Love.

“It will all be alright,”
said from the condo
at the beach,
on the new smart phone,
from behind perfect teeth,
-and the trappings
of six figures and
perfect health.

At that moment, I hate her.

I hate me worse.
Because I’m too sad
and lonely to tell her
to FUCK OFF.

She wouldn’t hear me if I did,
from the noise in her head
of planning her escape.
Holdout long enough,
Ill give you your reason.

Then, you can feel justified.

The Doctors last orders
ring loudly in my head
from two years ago-
before the layoff -
and insurance was gone.

Nose bleed? (more than usual)
Always check urine and shit for blood–
Get to the ER immediately
It may be a sign of trouble.
Really? No kidding…
So I check. Every time.

On the road
to paradise?
But why drive
when you can fly?

Why fly when
you have to beg rent?
On the days it hurts
too bad to walk.

Pointing fingers
to feel better
is fine since you’ve
just had your nails done.

I pay attention to my nails too
for the pedicure of blood
that pools there every so often.
A tube of nail glue won’t help
A broken nail means new socks.

I think I may need
my nails done too.
See, I have a Cross to bear.
Two nails for my hands,
and one for my ankles.

Then I think
I’ll hang around a bit.
Take a three day nap.
Disappear for a while—
oh, but I’ll be back.
Now who is the joker ?

Things will work out the way
they are supposed to.
No shit fucker.
Like any of us have a say so.
The forgotten is
that it’s the same ending
for all of us.

It will all be alright.
Tag. You’re IT.